I Knew I Needed to Lose Weight. My Shameful Secret Was Holding Me Back (Exclusive)

They were the words I longed to hear: “We could try one of the weight loss shots.”

My short, 5’3″ frame was holding 223 lbs. when I arrived at my annual physical in June 2023. I had struggled with weight my entire life and had tried everything: Weight Watchers, nutritionists, gyms, personal trainers, special vitamins, natural hormone weight loss programs… you name it.

It worked until it didn’t — 15 lbs. off, 20 lbs. back on. Rinse and repeat.

My doctor told me my blood pressure was getting dangerously high. My blood levels were out of whack. But this year, there was a drug that could maybe help me. When she mentioned the GLP-1 injections, I could practically feel the weight coming off.

I thought about the before-and-after pictures I would post on Instagram and all the likes they would get. I thought about the pride and happiness I would feel.

My doctor told me to think about it. Little did she know that I had been thinking about it for months.

Related: Ozempic and Similar Drugs May Offer Health Benefits Beyond Weight Loss, Including Reduced Alcohol Cravings

I am a three-time Emmy Award-winning producer. Making things happen is my job. An A-List celebrity friend once told me that I would make the greatest personal assistant because of how quickly I get things done. (This is one of the highest compliments a person can get in the entertainment world.)

When it came to myself, however, especially my weight struggles, I could not seem to make anything happen.

Across social media, I saw all of these formerly overweight people being helped by weekly injections. I wanted so badly for their success stories to be MY story. I was willing to stick myself with anything if it meant finally looking and feeling as happy as they seemed.

After my doctor suggested the shot, I texted a good friend who had been championing my health journey. She lived in my building and was a fitness instructor. I’d started taking her virtual barre classes a few months earlier because something in my soul told me she might be someone who could finally help get me into shape.

It was not easy. “I’ll never be able to move my body like that,” I remember my brain screaming as I attempted a side plank in my living room during one of the first classes. Often, I sat on my floor and cried when class was over.

“I promise this will get easier,” she would text afterwards.

Fitness instructors had said this to me so many times before. But now, I actually believed the person saying it. After three months, I had lost 10 lbs. But my progress felt so slow, and I was craving extra help. That’s why the shot seemed so perfect.

I figured my friend would support anything to help me get further in this quest.

“My doctor thinks I should try a weight loss shot. What do you think? I think it could really help!” I texted excitedly, praying that she would agree.

An hour later, I had a missed call and voicemail: “Hi Kelly, I just want to say I love you and I love every ounce of you.” No one had ever said they loved every ounce of me before. Then came the “but…”

“Have you really tried everything to lose the weight on your own before medication? Let’s find a healthier way! It takes a lot of discipline, but I absolutely believe you can do it.”

I was crushed. This elusive “discipline” seemed like something I would never be able to achieve.

Because I had a big secret, one that only I knew. The truth was that I had not tried everything. There was one thing I would never, ever part with. That’s why I wanted the shot: I was exhausted and wanted an easy answer.

I knew this neighbor-turned-friend had turned up at a time in my life when I needed her most. I had what felt like a fairy-god-soul-sister who could guide me to the next level of health. I knew deep down I had to give it one last big push on my own —  without giving up or exposing my big secret. (I was totally prepared to fail and go back to my doctor in six months asking for that prescription.)

Related: 1 in 8 U.S. Adults Have Taken Ozempic or Similar Drugs, According to a New Survey

The first thing I did was start increasing my water intake. It was about a week after my physical that I realized my six daily shots of espresso on ice and diet iced tea throughout the day were not sufficient forms of hydration.

My friend texted me every single morning before the sun was up: “Chug that water. I am so proud of you.”

As I started to get real with myself about the amount of water I was putting in my body, I started to think more carefully about another liquid I was putting in my body daily: alcohol.

In July 2023, about a month into my “big push” to lose weight, I was having an intimate conversation with someone who told me that they were an alcoholic. In that moment, my entire life changed. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to tell this person my big secret, which I had been hiding under mounds of denial for 20 years.

Drinking was a problem for me. I never wanted to admit that alcohol was the real reason I couldn’t lose weight because I never wanted to let it go.

I always knew that my drinking was not normal. Once I started, I could not stop. But I loved the way it made me feel. Alcohol took every insecurity that my brain forced upon me and made it feel better. It was my solution for everything that troubled me, especially my weight and the way I looked. Ironically, it was making all of those things so much worse.

The reality was that I was regularly consuming nearly 1,000 extra calories in a day from alcohol. It was hampering my weight loss efforts day after day.

Related: Shay Mooney Says He Got Sober, Lost 50 Lbs. Because ‘I Was Too Tired to Play with My Kids’ (Exclusive)

I had no idea how to get out of the madness. I didn’t have alcoholism in my family, so I didn’t know what it looked like. Even my closest friends had no idea how bad things were. I had become a professional liar and hid it well.

Once I was able to admit this big secret, I got the help I needed. In August, I started changing my brain, and then my body started to recover.

For so long, I used my flashy, successful career to pretend I had my life under control. Today, I don’t have to hide anymore. And I can be honest about what helped me get healthy.

Slowly, as my body healed, more weight started coming off. As I made important changes on the inside, the outside continued to change. I was literally transforming into a completely different person.

My eyes opened to other substances I was putting in my body excessively. From energy drinks to melatonin, marijuana and even laxatives, I was overdoing it on many levels. It was throwing my metabolism out of whack. 

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Saying no to what looked like the quick fix — weight loss injections — actually helped save my life. This is not a story of “weight loss drugs are bad.” They have worked for thousands of people, and for some, they may be the only option to successfully lose weight. Had the topic not come up with my doctor, who knows where I would be today. Nowhere good.

Since I gave up drinking in August 2023, I have lost more than 80 lbs.

Nothing about weight loss is quick or easy, regardless of the route. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done —  but by far the most rewarding. And it’s only just beginning.

I still have that voicemail my friend left me after my doctor said we could try the shots. Because actually, the most important words I heard that day were, “I love you and I love every ounce of you.”

I listen to it every once in a while to remind myself how far I have come. Now that I’m not hurting myself anymore, I love every ounce of me, too. 

Read the original article on People