Zoho’s Sridhar Vembu urges ‘marry, have kids in 20s’, spars with netizens on unstable incomes, maternity leave

Zoho Chief Scientist Sridhar Vembu’s latest advice to young entrepreneurs, “to marry and have kids in their 20s” sparked an intense online debate on social media on Wednesday, November 19. Vembu’s appeal to the young to fulfill their “demographic duty” seemed not to resonate with netizens who highlighted “trade off” when 20-year-olds marry early.

Sridhar Vembu’s post

Sridhar Vembu wrote in a post on X on Wednesday, “I advise young entrepreneurs I meet, both men and women, to marry and have kids in their 20s and not keep postponing it.”

“I tell them they have to do their demographic duty to society and their own ancestors. I know these notions may sound quaint or old-fashioned but I am sure these ideas will resonate again,” Sridhar Vembu said in a post.

He was reacting to entrepreneur Upasana Konidela’s post, in which she recalled her experience during an interaction with students at IIT Hyderabad. She said more men than women had raised their hands when she asked “How many of you want to get married?”

She wrote on X, “I truly had an amazing time interacting with the students at

@IITHyderabad. When I asked, “How many of you want to get married?” — more men raised their hands, than the women! The women seemed far more career-focused !!!! This is the new – Progressive India. 🇮🇳.”

Sridhar Vembu’s reaction to Konidela’s post sparked a debate. Here’s what netizens said:

Why people may not want to get married in their 20s: ‘Youth are afraid’

An X user named Gaurav Chaudhary highlighted fear among the youth about “building a family on unstable salaries.” He said, “Everyone keeps advising 20-year-olds to marry early, but no one talks about the actual tradeoff.”

“Today’s youth aren’t ‘afraid of commitment’, they’re afraid of building a family on unstable salaries, zero work-life balance, and rent that eats 40% of income,” Chaudhary said, adding that “it’s not a demographic crisis” but an economic one. “Fix that, and hands will rise on their own,” he said.

Vembu seconded Chaudhary’s views, saying, “I agree with you. My earlier post talked about the cost of living crisis among the young. But even people who can afford to are not marrying and having kids. That is cultural.”

But Chaudhary went on to emphasise other important challenges that stop young people from marrying early and having children.

“…even men who can afford marriage hesitate because the laws around divorce, custody, and alimony feel stacked against them. Plus, with divorce rates rising in metros and studies showing happiness drops after the first few years of marriage, it feels less like a ‘demographic duty’ and more like a high-risk contract today,” Chaudhary said.

Chaudhary said “duty” matters but people also expect basic happiness from a lifelong partnership. “With divorce rates rising and most studies showing marital happiness drops after the first few years, it’s natural they’re cautious.”

“They’re not rejecting marriage. They’re rejecting the penalty + unhappiness risk if it goes wrong,” he added.

Meanwhile, another user Monica Varma asked Vembu, “…if I choose to have kids in my 20s who is going to compensate for my career being on pause or even set back with maternity leaves in this cut-throat? Yes, I would love to have children above all. BUT that alone is not my sole purpose in life.”

Vembu then responded, “Life is not a race. There is plenty of opportunity to excel at any age and 30 is a new beginning for many people. I remember receiving this advice from my mother and I am glad to have recieved it.”

“If I were to look at life as a race, I have failed compared to Mark Zuckerberg, who is 20 years younger. Have I failed? Somehow, I don’t wake up every morning thinking I am a failure. I have to thank my mother for this perspective on life,” he said.

‘Young adults are not the disruptors’: What research says

A report released by Pew Research Centre in January 2024 noted that young adults today are getting married much later than their parents’ generation. The median age of adults at the time of their first marriage has risen, it said.

They are also delaying having children. “For example, 27% of adults ages 30 to 34 had a child in their household in 2023, compared with 60% in 1993,” the report stated.

A 2018 research from the Stanford Center on Longevity stated that on average, people over 25 said they wanted ideally to marry by 27, buy a home by 28 and start a family by 29.

However, the extent to which people reached these goals decreased with every successive generation, with those between 25 and 34 being the least likely to achieve them.

Tamara Sims, a research scientist at the Center on Longevity, said, “Our findings suggest that young adults are not the disruptors that they have been made out to be…They are indeed getting married, buying a home and starting a family later than their ideal age at lower rates than other generations, but this decline did not start with them.”